Chad,

I was married for 31 years to a faithful wonderful man who died of cancer. I had never been around porn usage. My late husband was opposed to it. I had no idea about a lot of things until I was deep into this second marriage.

The second guy who I met and married would tell you that he tricked me into the marriage. He duped me. It was a long con for money, not a true relationship. He has told me several times that he deserves to burn in hell for what he did to me — his words not mine.

The shame and responsibility I bear was for staying when I discovered his first affair, but I had no idea he was soliciting women, sexting 40 to 50 others. His deception went deep.

I AM getting help. I have been in on-going therapy for the past few years. Yes, I am taking a hard look at myself. I am doing something new like pushing back for having the facts wrong. The old me would have said nothing, but swallowed these accusations.

There is self-reflection. It will be in my upcoming book due out next year. It’s a memoir that covers this marriage and the transformation I went through as I discovered myself. It’s called The Betrayal of Me: Confessions of a Sex Addict’s Wife.

Here’s the thing I find the most fascinating. This article is about a behavior I find troubling. So, okay, maybe you disagree. Let’s have a dialogue around the differences of opinion. No, that’s not what happened. It’s become about me for having this opinion. Hmmm…. why make it about me? Why not about the topic? This is the kind of tactic my ex used to use as a way to throw me off the more pertinent issue— his behavior.

Written by

Psychologist/Author. Quora & Medium Top Writer. Mom of three, Autistic woman, Relationship expert kerry@kerrymcavoyphd.com

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