I agree this is often the case, but not every time. I disagree with that sweeping generalization.

There are serial cheaters. Sex addicts who cannot commit. Won’t commit. Like chameleons, they make you believe the two of you are a perfect match, while creating the same experience with others. They live double, triple, quadruple lives.

I found out two months into my marriage that my new husband was seeing at least two other women on an ongoing basis. Each of the women thought he was the love of her life and had no idea about each other or me. I found out when one of their family members spotted the two of us at a concert and then tracked me down on social media. She boldly contacted me and told me of their relationship.

My error was to stay instead of running as fast as I could for the door. I believed him when he said he wanted to change. He didn’t. He lied once more. I spent a miserable two more years with him until I realized I needed to love myself more.

In the past two years I’ve met over a hundred or more women with same stories. The similarities are eerie, which shouldn’t be surprising since this is a disease. And, like all diseases, it has a course it follows and the same presenting symptoms.

In the normal situation of cheating, your point is well taken. I appreciate the vulnerability of your piece. However, it doesn’t fit my situation.

I actually wished it did. It would have meant I could have done something. That I had an ounce of control. I didn’t, except to decide if I would stay or leave. He duped me. Conned me.

I’m out now and healing. In treatment for partners of betrayal trauma. It’s been a tough road but I’m thankful for the other women I’ve met on this journey .

Thanks for your story. The generalizations, though, compelled me to tell you a bit more of mine. Oh, and one of the relationships my ex had at the start of my marriage? He cheated on her just as severely as he did on me, yet they’re still together. Go figure.

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Psychologist/Author. Quora & Medium Top Writer. Mom of three, Autistic woman, Relationship expert kerry@kerrymcavoyphd.com

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