…midated by Ph.D.’s is an unfortunate result of this society’s reverence for academics of all sorts. While it may be true, in some instances, that hiding certain behaviors can be damaging to a relationship, it is equally true, that some behaviors are kept private to spare the sensibilities of the person …
I don’t know if you’ve read much of my stuff but I was married to someone who lived a double life. Deceived me on all levels. I don’t even know why he bothered marrying me. He was dating upwards to 7 other women and engaged with prostitutes. I should have had the option of knowing and deciding if that was the kind of lifestyle I wanted but he presented a false reality.
And, he masturbated daily. Daily. Every fucking day and when I was interested in being intimate, he told me I was selfish, insensitive, needy, and thoughtless. In short my sexual desire was bad and wrong because he was no longer interested since he took care of himself. No, he never admitted that it was him and his lack of interest. He blamed me. This was after telling me how important an active sex life would be in our marriage. Anther deception.
So, I wrote that response from a personal viewpoint, not a professional one. Yes, there is ongoing research into this area (effect of porn in marital intimacy). And yes, the findings don’t bode well for most couples. But I wrote in regards to me. Regarding the travesty I experienced.
My ex has since told me, now that we are over, that he destroyed our relationship. He says that what he did was wrong. The serial cheating, deception, lying, use of porn, and on and on and on. His words not mine. And he’d be the first to admit the porn use was a way to avoid having a relationship with me. Again that’s his comment, not mine.
So, that’s great! If a little porn on the side works in your world, the more power to you. That’s between you and your partner. My problem with the article were the sweeping generalizations — The normalization of porn and scolding of women for having an issue. That was my problem re this writer’s viewpoint.
I appreciate you taking the time. I’m sorry if it felt like I was coming on high about this issue. It actually was the opposite. I was coming from a broken, hurting place, not an authoritative position.