I LOVED this article. Thank you. I tried to tell the last guy I dated I had pretty significant trauma issues. He looked at me blankly and said, “My last girlfriend hurt me too but I’ve got over it. You just have to decide to put it behind you.”


Two years of early childhood rape and two years spent with sociopathic narcissist sex addict who regularly physically hurt me during intercourse? Dude – you’re not listening. I have issues!

The men I meet are exploring their sexuality with a single mindedness as if the experience is partnerless. They are woefully inexperienced with women’s sexuality. Their education has been pornography.

My ex insisted I was squirting when I was urinating because of my age, hormonal age, and the odd sexual position we were in. The penetration was such that it hurt my nearly-full bladder. Yet he wouldn’t’t listen and was overjoyed I “squirted.”The event was humiliating for me. In my previous marriage (31 years- I was widowed), I’d NEVER squirted. But he knew better. Really? Geez….

You’re right. Women’s sexuality has been left out of the picture. If sex was as frequently uncomfortable for men as it too often is for us – they’d stop volunteering too.

Too many men I’ve met initially acted interested in pleasing me but then won’t listen. They then proceed to hurt me because they touch too hard or too fast even after being told and shown. I’m left in the terrible position of opening myself up for abuse if I try to show them again or just putting up with a shitty/painful experience.


Are any of them listening? I’m not so sure. I think they’ve turned their headset up too loud, got the lube out, and are back to watching PornHub.

My ex used to say he didn’t need sex (with a partner), he was fine on his own (with all the free access to porn). We are in trouble…

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Psychologist/Author. Quora & Medium Top Writer. Mom of three, Autistic woman, Relationship expert kerry@kerrymcavoyphd.com

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