I started weeping reading your story. The difficulty so many of us have faced struggling with acceptance and belonging. My sexuality is an odd thing too. An early childhood survivor of rape in a sexually predatory environment has done a number on me. I’ve been sexually coerced numerous times. I don’t feel safe, even dating these days. Too often to have sex is the primary goal of the meeting when I’m just looking to see if we can get along.
I don’t think I’m asexual but refer to myself as demisexual, which may be on the asexual spectrum. I don’t see people’s sexuality either until I know them very well and feel attracted to the person. My sexuality is fluid as a result.
I hurt for you and I hurt for me. For the difficulties we have had trying to find acceptance and safety in this very dangerous world. I too am relieved to have had the pandemic time spent alone so that I don’t have to manage someone else’s happiness but can focus on my own.
Thank you for sharing this precious private part of yourself. It deeply touched me.