Joe, I’ve re-read this and continue to be blown away by the honesty contained in this article. These are things I wished I known years ago. Things it took a pandemic to learn.

I’ve been living an solitary life for over nine months. Nine months!

I live alone. I don’t have a pet. Human contact is once a week when my adult sons visit. I have zoom calls with other writer that total about 10 hours a week.

At first I thought I would die and then something incredible happen, I discovered contentment in what is. Not every day all day long… but much of the time. Could I do this forever? I don’t want to, but I could.

I no longer “need” anyone. Yes, I want a relationship but that is no longer necessary for my survival. And it has changed me. A lot.

This has changed my view of men as well. It’s has helped me to be okay with waiting until I meet someone who is as at peace with himself as I am. Most men are not, which is okay just not right for me. And if I don’t, I don’t.

I like the new me better. Yesterday I had a bout of teary loneliness. I felt the pain. I let myself cry for the lost idealized. Then I asked myself what I needed. I cleaned house which helps me feel in control of my own small world and visited a friend.

That angst will always be. I used to try to fill it, now I grieve it. That’s really the biggest difference. The mystery I’ve stumbled on that is giving me the most peace and contentment.

So thank you for sharing this inside view from a man’s perspective. I’m bookmarking it to read again. :)


Written by

Psychologist/Author. Quora & Medium Top Writer. Mom of three, Autistic woman, Relationship expert

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store