Love this piece. Chock full of wise nuggets.
Ever read David Schnarch, Ph.D., psychologist and sexologist? He wrote The Passionate Marriage. He discusses this same process of the making meaning out of our interactions in these psychologically-ladden moments. Will we look for validation that we are “good enough” from our partner or find it within ourselves? He calls it other-validation vs. self-validation and agrees it’s a relational crisis.
I’ve been on both end of this who-initiates-sex dilemma. I found it worse to be initiator than the respondent. The one who wants sex the least has the upper hand. That’s a vulnerable and miserable place, especially if you’re trying to soothe yourself through the interaction.
Thank you once again for this thought-provoking piece.