Thank you for sharing the addict’s side of sex addiction. I was married to one for two years. I had wondered what sex was like from his side of things.
I found your description of the sex act as a way to stay in control enlightening. You nailed it on how at times sex felt scripted.
My sexual experience as a former wife of a sex addict was overall sad and disappointing. Yes, he could have been a great lover. He had great techniques which he sometimes used but most of the time he missed the boat entirely.
Whether it was good or bad sex, the whole sexual experience with him missed the point — intimacy. It always felt like he was a spectator rather than allowing himself to get lost in the encounter. Over half the time he didn’t even bother to orgasm; that’s how far removed he remained.
His arousal pattern was dysfunctional as well. Not surprising when you considered he’s masturbated to porn multiple times a day for nearly 40 years. Not exactly the right material on how to connect with your partner.
All of this left me unfulfilled. Very sad.
Thank for stepping out like this! Great piece.