Thank you for your response @Kimberley M Lang. Yes, grief is gut-wrenching. So shockingly painful. It comes crashing like waves.
I recently heard a new term, ambiguous grief. There’s much too much of that in my life.
I don’t know how to explain it, but once I stopped trying to avoid the feelings of grief I discovered something comforting in the midst of the pain. Maybe it’s that I’m connecting with the memories of the person I lost. They feel closer to me during those moments.
As I said, it difficult to describe. But I don’t fight to avoid grief anymore. As far as negative emotions go, there are many much worse, such as shame, rage, need for revenge, envy, etc.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you. Thank you once again for taking time to respond. That means so much to me. Best wishes!