Thank you for your thoughtful response. Isn’t it a weird experience completing those profile questions? Your observation that there’s a real person on the other end was such a fabulous one. Such self-reflection is incredible. You are far ahead of the curve. I don’t think many people ask themselves how they are impacting the other person. We tend to approach a new relationship with what we want, rather than on how we affect others. I think it needs to be a “both/and,” though.

Your comment in response to my plus-size body. I know each person has a physical/sexual template. Between you and me? Many men my age just don’t cut it for me. Nothing wrong with them being themselves, but it doesn’t do much for me. That is not saying one thing good or bad about them. This is about me. So, I completely agree with your comment that it’s okay for them to swipe left on me.

But, here’s the problem that I was commenting on. There is a general hostility that oozes out in some of these men’s profiles. A pervasive entitlement to meeting and dating a thin woman. Maybe there’s a female equivalent happening on the guys’ side. I hear men are being slammed for not being tall enough. That’s super sad. Good grief. But the pressure and even meanness about women’s body size — that’s what I’m talking about. But honestly, I quickly swipe left. Why? because they are clearly a shallow person and I’m not interested.

And as for losing 20 pounds. Hot shit damn — I can tell you are a guy with a guy’s metabolism who has never dealt with a woman’s hormonal makeup, been pregnant, nursed three babies, and been a wife and mom to a large family. I wish you could live with a woman’s body for one week. Just one week and then come back and tell me how easy all that was.

Honestly I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. Yes, I could starve myself and drop the weight. It would be an uphill battle postmenopausal while sheltering at home. But sure, so that some guy likes my body in addition to my personality. My sister once starved herself and got skinny. Suddenly she was popular. It made her pissed. She said, “I’m still the same me as I was before — they couldn’t see me then why in the world would I be interested in them now.”

Once again, I really appreciate the dialogue. It’s wonderful getting to share all of this. Thank you.

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