Wow, what a painful answer. I am very sorry that has been your experience. That actually hasnt' been mine. Before my first husband died our sex life stepped up. We were super active. He used to tell me he thought he was the luckiest man alive based our level of intimacy. He said I brought it and he was so thankful.
I saw sexual intimacy as a vital part of marriage. Something both partners are to cultivate and nurture. And I did my part by bringing open-mindedness and sexual curiosity to the relationship. In fact, I was excited to be an emtpy nesters so that we could explore more of that together. It was then we learned he had terminal cancer. He was gone six months later.
This second marriage was to someone who was dating and fucking seven other women in addition to woeing me. He asked for exclusivity and marriage without disclosing his lack of intent to be monogamous. I literally chased him for sexual intimacy. He avoided me while I worked hard to dress sexy, look exciting, and to be romantic.
Instead I was scold, berated, and chewed out for not understanding his lack of desire. He masturbated multiple times a day, met up with escorts, and dated whenever and whomever he could instead of me. He lied, deceived, and severely betrayed me. Why? Why marry? If that's what he wanted, why not enjoy the single life? I have no idea. It makes no sense.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer. My first husband of 31 years of marriage would tell you it was absolutely not true of our relationship. I miss him so much.